My Surprise Failing

Over the weekend I had a fall. I’m not going to tell you exactly what, just that it is a sin that surprised me. It was something I’m typically not even tempted to do. Perhaps that’s what made it so easy to stumble and fall. I had no guard up for I didn’t know I needed one. I’m pretty shaken by how easily I fell into sin. My expectations of myself and my picture of who I am so quickly were damaged. I thought this was a sin I didn’t have to worry about. I am so ashamed, and frankly, it frightens me to see how easily I let myself cross a line. It wasn’t a massive assault by the evil one, it was a whisper when my attention was elsewhere. I cannot pretend my sin was unknowing, I did it with full knowledge of it being sin. I excused it so easily, so breezily to myself, and that is the part that frightens me. If I can fall so easily with only the slightest pressure, what will happen when there is a full assault?

Could it be that a full assault would not be needed? Can it be that Satan can content himself to send a minion to merely whisper in my ear?

Ah, Lord have mercy. Put a guard about me that I might not sin against you.

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