So, Soul, you know all that worrying you’ve been doing, worrying about how kids would have warm clothes and in-laws blood clots could kill them and blood thinners could cause an emergency bleeding situation right there in your apartment, and how a sister-in-law is terminal and will leave her children motherless, and about aging parents and all the physical, mental and emotional struggles that entails? You know how you have wrapped yourself around the axle trying to figure it all out and find ways for YOU to take care of everything?

That’s not your job, Soul. You have been worrying and striving and struggling because you are not TRUSTING that God has things in hand and in doing so, you aren’t present in the present where you need to be. You are not called to fly all over the countryside and fix everything; you are not called to make sure the cancer-riddled body lives, to fix the life of the unwed teenage mother, to make sure the elderly suffering from some form of dementia acts with kindness and is rational. Your job is to pray, and to do what is in front of you. Take care of the people with you, love them, listen to them, and to be kind to them. You are to live in the moment you are facing–not tomorrow, and not yesterday. Live today, in this moment, and trust that the God who is all-powerful, all-present, all-loving, will aid those who wish his aid. His kindness is so much greater than your own, why do you think you need to be all of that? Don’t you trust?

That is the crux of it, isn’t it, my Soul? You have not been trusting the God of peace to abide in you, the God of love to love through you, and the God of mercy to be merciful. So you run around and try to do all the things that you cannot do and worry about the rest, because you don’t trust. You need to relax into the arms of the one who is all gracious, all loving, all merciful.  In His arms you can safely place all your worries, all your cares and rest.


Thanking God

I am thanking God that my brother-in-law survived his emergency surgery and kept his legs. I am thanking God that he can walk with the walker they gave him at the hospital. I am thanking God that we can shelter him for a time and that God provided a bed for him to sleep on.

I am thankful for surgeons who work on Sundays, for nurses who work the dark hours, and for good news in the waiting room.

I am thankful that he is here for a time.

I was angry and disappointed that my plans were changed, rearranged, upended, and now I am ashamed of that. Because my plans were swept aside, he was in at a hospital with surgeons who could save his leg, not just remove it. He may have a walker, but he can walk. He may have no money, but he has a roof over his head and food on the table. Thanks to God.

On Socks

For whatever reason, socks have been a topic of conversation around our house recently. I wear Solmate socks almost exclusively because, a) they are FUN, and b) they last FOREVER, or five years of constant wearing by my account, whichever comes first. I balked at the expense of them at first, but upon reaching the five year mark before wearing a hole in one, a great big light bulb turned on over my head.

Last year, for Christmas, I bought my husband a set of very good socks (Polo by Ralph Lauren). I was a bit skeptical about the cost, but they were on sale for $21 for 6 pair and it was a gift after all. Steve is very hard on socks. Well, he has only worn through one of those socks. In a year. We are both amazed. And I’m buying him some more shortly, as they have proven their worth to me.

I want things to last and last. Do you know what I mean? My winter parka is now…oh, 10, 12, maybe even 14 years old. It looks almost as good as the day I bought it. I have no reason to replace it, so I won’t. It washes well and is plenty warm.  I have been wearing the same pair of cowboy boots for 23 years or so.  I’ve had them re-soled two or three times and they are still amazingly comfortable.  The shaft is getting some holes in them that don’t look fixable to me, so this may be their last year, and that makes me sad.  If I knew how to do leatherworking, I would probably make new shafts for them and wear them another 23 years.  But maybe it’s time to find a new pair of boots for the next 23 years.

Buying things that last is becoming something of a theme with me. My mixer is a once in a lifetime purchase. I should never have to purchase another one as long as I live. My blender should last another 6 or 7 years, despite heavy use, although if it quit tomorrow, I would have gotten my money’s worth out of it.

I am fifty. I plan to buy one more couch, to last the rest of my life. Spending a little bit more for quality that will last that long is totally worth it to me. I plan to keep my dining room table, chairs and hutch for the rest of my life as well.

Because of this, it offends me that cell phones are both expensive and disposable. It’s crazy to me to spend hundreds of dollars for a phone that I will have to replace in two or three years (maybe, just maybe, I can get four years out of it?)

But…some things have a very limited useful lifespan. That’s okay, but when possible, I don’t want to use throw-away items when a sturdy re-usable option exists.

I have a nice drinking glass at the office to use instead of the plastic disposable cups provided. I often forget to bring a reusable mug with me to Starbucks or when I travel, but I’m working on it. I have real stainless flatware in my drawer at work to use when eating lunch, and at home I use cloth napkins. I don’t go as far as I could…some things seem unsanitary or are too difficult to clean for me to consider them, but the older I get the less comfortable I am with throw-away.

And so, I buy socks that last a really long time.  Which was the point of this rambling post.  I’m wearing them today.  I wore a different pair yesterday and a different pair the day before.  Love, love, love them.