I honestly want to be a saint. Honestly. Not an everyday saint, but a certifiable, good-works-doing, gracious-with-people, enduring-hardship saint. The problem is me.
I excuse my judgments of people because I do it with humor. I excuse my laziness because I have pain. I fight with myself to go to liturgy, not just once in a while, but often. I am selfish, hating to be interrupted while doing…well, anything that I want to do, whether that is reading or crocheting or watching a movie or doing schoolwork, or…
Does becoming a saint require a change in friendships? Or does it require a change in the quality and exercise of friendship? St. John Chrystostom is quoted as saying the we must cease sharing our daily troubles and trials, or disconsolate grumblings to others and bring them instead to God. For many of us who are accustomed to being consoled by our friends this would be a change in our friendships that might break some friendships, or at least reveal them for the shallow things that they are. My friends might welcome the respite.
Truthfully, the goal of being a saint is not the honorific, it is that I long to become that gentle person, who has supped deep from the well of Christ to become so like Him that my ugliness is burned away in the flame of his goodness and beauty. How to do this, I do not know.